Monday, November 23, 2015

The Tiny Shower

Alrighty now boys and girls it's the dreaded take a shower time. You may ask what the heck are you talking about so lucky you, I'm going to fill you in.

My shower is small. By small I mean it would be too small for an eight-year-old small. Maybe I should say tiny.

First off our apartment is the typical drafty older place, don't get me wrong, I love old places, but a sweater does come in handy. So before showering, warming up the old drafty apartment is a must.

Next is turning on the water to hot and let it rip. Shortly you have billowing clouds of steam clouding up the medicine cabinet mirror, warming up the bathroom even more.

I don't care if I weighed 90 lbs soaking wet, you just can not walk into my shower, you have to turn sideways and sidle in. If you are lucky, certain body parts don't connect with the very cold metal surrounding the opening. Your now safely in, and I laugh at the word safely, in the shower.

Now if this shower had come with safety instructions it would have read something like this:
                                  Beware Of When Showering
Shampoo Bottles
We at Shower At Your Own Risk (SAYOR) advise using smaller bottles of shampoo in the case of the likelihood bottle falls on head. Try and move as little as possible.
Falling Razors
Leave razor outside of the shower or risk losing certain body parts that may or may not be sticking out.
Wet Soap
Don't drop the soap. Let it go. Bending over will get you goosed by a still cold shower wall. Hopefully, you already got all your smelly parts.
Move Slowly
Bringing up your hands anything but slowly may cause hitting the hot/cold handle which will involve loud screaming either way.

Now your nice and clean having faced the perils of a tiny shower. If you have a story about showering please do tell.