Sunday, December 6, 2015

Grandma and Grandpa Rose's Corny One-Liners


You read all the time what's the secret to a happy marriage. That was an easy question to answer in my younger years but now that I'm much older (but young at heart) and wiser (that's debatable depending on the subject). I'm here to tell you it's humor, the cornier the better.

 Mr. Rose and I have been together over 10 years and around the other 24/7. If it wasn't partly our humorous corniness we wouldn't have survived each other so long so here is the real secret to a successful marriage.

Grandma and Grandpa Rose's Corny One-Liners

TAKING TURKEY OUT OF FRIDGE.
Me: I gotta turn down the fridge.
Mr. Rose: Why? Frozen turkey?
Me: No not frozen, but the turkey IS shivering. 
Me: I go and turn the cold dial from 5 to 4 and 
comes back to shivering Turkey. 
((GRIN))
GOING TO CHECK THE MAIL.
Me: I'm going down for my daily disappointment and exercise.
Mr.Rose: Okay honey, be careful on the stairs.
Me: Opens empty mailbox.
((GRIN))
Helpful Hint:
WHEN THE MICROWAVE IS YOUR ONLY TIME SOURCE
Don't look to the time on the microwave when the timer is set, either buy a clock or look at your computer's time.
((GRIN))
WHEN USING THE OVEN
When pulling extremely hot pans out of oven be sure your oven mitt is not compromised by being wet or make sure you have an aloe plant, which I do.
FROZEN FOOD STUCK IN FREEZER
(If someone was listening outside our door, they would hear this)
Me: Tugging on frozen sausages trying to get to the hot dogs.
Mr. Rose: What are you doing?
Me: Tug, Tug, Tug Trying to pull this out.
Mr. Rose: Well pull harder.
Me: I AM pulling harder, tug tug tug It won't come out, it's stuck.
(Mr. Rose comes over to investigate).
Mr.Rose: Move over, please.
Mr. Rose: Tug, Tug, Tug
Me: I told you it's stuck, but your butt wiggle is cute.
Mr. Rose: Tug, Tug, Tug, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle
Mr. Rose: Don't worry, I'll pull it out, honey.
Me: Thank you, honey,
(Hope it wasn't your parents standing outside an imaginary door).
((GRIN))
GRAPES
Me: I'm standing at the fridge
Mr. Rose: Can you grab my grapes please
(We both look at each other)
Mr.Rose: Let me rephrase that.
((GRIN))

I warned you,
Embrace your own corniness and leave some corn in my commet section. I love stories so do tell.